Where are all the heroes?

I’ve just watched The Enemy perform on TV. They create a helluva noise. Angry lyrics spat over power chords. Wall of sound stuff. Trouble is they look young. I’m prepared to accept that most of the top sportsmen and musicians I watch perform nowadays are actually younger than me, but most of them at least appear older. And The Enemy are, frankly, not the most attractive of bands. I don’t mean that on a completely shallow level of physical appearance. More broadly, though admittedly not really any deeper, they don’t look like I aspire to look. Not anymore anyway. They look a bit like they’re trying too hard to be rockstars. If I tried to copy them, therefore, I’d end up being someone trying to look like someone trying to look like a rockstar. I don’t want that (No-one wants that!). I want rockstars to look like, to act like, to be rockstars. And I still want to aspire to be a rockstar, not one step removed.

So what does that mean away from music? One thing I think that is apparent is that heroes change as you grow up. They have to. Doubtless The Enemy are the idols for some, and why not. They’re doing well, they’re playing loud music for a living and are doubtless doing better than others of a similar age and appearance that don’t know how to thrash out a 4 minute anthem. That they are no longer hero material to me is no reflection on their credentials. It is simply that what I can relate to has shifted and what I look up to, what I might aspire to be has changed as my life experience has moved beyond the bedroom of my parental home.

In recent years I’ve seen the closest people to me having to cope with the most horrible things. Almost cruel demands are placed on them when they’re already on the floor. And they’ve handled it. With courage and dignity. These are now the standards that I judge idols against. Not if they can bed groupies and afford a nice car before the age of 21.

I’m not sure it is expected that we have ‘heroes’ as we grow older, but I believe it is really important to hold on to the notion of seeing strengths, qualities and behaviours in others as part of our development. I’m a big advocate of what we can gain by reflecting on our own selves, but there is a world of learning to be had by reflecting on the existence of others. Those we hold up as heroes don’t have to be pinnacles of virtue and achievement. The fact that we’re interested in them will mean that they have something we like – some will be characteristics we want to achieve, some might be behaviours that are less socially desirable, but that we secretly envy. There’s lots to be gained by thinking about what it is that attracts you to your heroes. You might just find out that there’s more of you in them than you realise.